oh no its just kids!

Why I hate being a parent #1

Today I hate being a parent. In fact, the truth is there are lots of days I hate being a parent and anyone that isn’t full of bullshit will attest to the fact that there are lots of days that the bad parts of parenting outweigh the good. That’s why I have titled this one #1… I fully expect there to be many more to follow.

So why do I hate being a parent today I hear you ask. Simply because, I feel like shit. This morning I woke up with a bit of a sore throat, but generally didn’t feel too bad. And this morning was great, I took the kids and my friends daughter to the cinema. The kids were brilliantly behaved and enjoyed the film. Life was grand.

However since coming home my sore throat has turned into a throat full of razor blades, a painful head full of cotton wool, a stiff neck, aching legs and a desire to curl up on the sofa under a blanket and sleep. However I am mum, and mum is not allowed to be sick.

To be honest I don’t feel like this often. Do you know how I know? Because when I ask my kids to sit quietly this afternoon and either read/play on tech/watch a film, they look at me like I have an alien crawling out of my head. At this point I don’t have the energy to check if I actually have.

I hate being a parent because you aren’t allowed to be ill. Within the last 5 minutes alone I have asked the kids to keep the noise down no less than 14 times. Yes they are sitting down playing together but do they have to shriek like a banshee whilst they are doing it? Invariably one of them will annoy the other and I will have to intervene and stretch my already breaking voice to shout at them to leave eachother the hell alone.

Worse still, I am a self-employed parent, which means I can’t take time off work when I am sick either. I have multiple deadlines to meet within the next few days, and I am currently harnessing the creativity and motivation of a dung beetle.

So that, ladies, gentlemen and fellow owners of small, feral creatures (aka kids), is why I hate being a parent today. hey, at least I’m honest about it!

 

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What a mum really feels when her kids go back to school

This week, up and down the country armies of parents will be cheering as their little bundles of joy will be returning to school! It follows 6(ish!) weeks of wonderful bonding time with them – and of course playing referee between them and their siblings 24/7! No doubt they have eaten them out of house and home, made too much noise, too much mess and not listened to what they were told. They have probably uttered the b-word at least 3 times each day … “Muuuuuum I’m BORED”. So yes, it’s a blessed relief when, for 6 hours of each day, they are someone else’s responsibility! 

I’ll be one of those mums tomorrow. Have you seen that YouTube video of the monkey dancing? If not it’s here: Monkey dance!

That will be me… All the way back to the car! 

But…. Whilst I’m dancing on the outside there will be a little piece of me that is lost on the inside. A tiny, microscopic piece of my heart gets chipped away each time they return to school because it means that they are one step closer to growing up. 

Don’t get me wrong, I know every day is a day older, a day more independent etc, but the first day back is a milestone. Another year further on in their education, another year of expectations of them to do well. Another year of them learning to be independent which, although I know they need to do, makes me worried about the time that they won’t need me so much anymore. 

Another year of worrying that they are happy in school, that they have good friends, that they aren’t being bullied and that they aren’t afraid to be themselves. 

So when you look at me, the mum on the school gates who is outwardly cheering that her little horrors have gone back to school, know that whilst I might seem heartless and like I’m wishing the years away, on the inside I’m a little sad, worried and emotional too. 

Good luck to all the kiddies who are starting new schools and classes this week, and those simply “going back to school”. I know you’ll do great. 

Dee xoxox 

All I want for.. July.. Is my two front teeth! 

Kind of as the song goes, but obviously it is only July!

My daughter Liv is 8.5 and has still only lost her two bottom milk teeth. She was late cutting her teeth as a baby so it’s not entirely unexpected. However her top two teeth have been wobbly for the last 9 months and when we went to see the dentist last month she said Liv would need hell to get them out – because she grinds her teeth and they are worn down to tiny little stumps! 

So today is the day that she is hopefully going to have the baby ones at the top taken out provided she doesn’t freak out! Of course I’ve had to bribe her with a visit from the tooth fairy and some much-coveted Shopkins to get her to agree to it in the first place! 

With another 3 wobbly teeth that don’t appear to be coming out fast, and a referral to the orthodontist in September I don’t think this is the last of the toothy issues we will be having! 

Wish us luck!! 

The only time I have had to blog lately

Is right now, 1230am, lying awake listening to my eldest child who is awake and cannot sleep because she feels poorly. 

I’ve sat with her over half and hour and she cannot or will not sleep so I’ve been a bad mummy and relented to her putting a DVD on in bed in the hope that it distracts her enough to fall asleep. A peril of an ADHD child is her inability to switch her brain off to get to sleep. 

So in theory I could leave her and sleep myself. She’s 8 so old enough to call me if she needs me. But I can’t switch off from listening out for her – just in case she needs me and I don’t hear it. And I have to be up in six hours…! 

I got 99 problems and they’re all YOUR fault mum!

99 problems

“I got 99 problems and they’re all YOUR fault mum”

Happy Saturday to meeeee! Groan!

Now I know kids all expect their parents to be some sort of superhero that is capable of moving mountains to please them, and I am all for mountain-moving, but can we please keep it after 10am?

This is what I have been blamed for pre-930am this morning

1. The DVD player isn’t working anymore. It’s 12 years old, but still a surprise as worked ok yesterday. 5yr old son absolutely devastated that he cannot watch his DVD. Tantrum ensues, “but can’t you just fix it muuummmm”, he wails. No son, I really can’t, it won’t even switch on. Apparently that is not good enough and I should be able to fix it right now, and if I can’t I need to drive to the shops and purchase a new one. Now. NOW! Needless to say that’s not happening!

2. 8yr old daughter is on her iPod looking at Shopkins (see my toy fad blog if you don’t know what a shopkin is, but I warn you now, you can’t un-know once you know and its not pretty!). The Wifi (or wee-fee as the kids call it) is running really slowly this morning. The page won’t load. “Muuuuuuuuuuum the internet isn’t working”. I explain its just on a go-slow, a bit like mummy is before 9am. Apparently that is not acceptable and she tells me that its because her iPod is “crap” and she needs an iPhone 6 because they work better. Kid, even I don’t have an iPhone 6, dream on! Said daughter now sulking in her room.

3. The 5yr old wants to wear shorts, because it was 27 degrees on Wednesday and he wore them then. I explain that its only going to b 10 degrees today – too cold to wear shorts. “Just make it hotter then” is his request. Dude, if I could control the weather I would make it 27 and sunny PERMANENTLY! Sadly weather-control abilities are outside of even a mother’s remit.

4. “Why isn’t it Wednesday today”? Yes apparently I should also be able to control the days of the week. The boy is desperately waiting for Wednesday as he is due to start swimming lessons at school in PE and he is just astronomically excited. Shame the little turd didn’t get so excited when me and his dad were forking out a small fortune for lessons that he just dicked about in! Trust me, if I could control the days of the week I might just make it a school day every single day – forever!!!

5. “I don’t want to wait”… for anything! Well kid, life sucks and sometimes we have to wait. I have to wait and eat my food cold whilst I sort yours out first. I have to wait to buy the clothes I need cos invariably you always need something first. I have to wait to drink my cup of tea because you need help with whatever you are doing. I even have to wait to have a pee when I am desperate and you and your sister decide you need to go first! Patience is apparently a virtue, but I’m not feeling too virtuous about it to be honest!

6. The passing of time is apparently my fault too. Every time we are getting ready to go out, neither of the kids understand the concept of time or lateness. “But mum I want to complete the rest of this level/chapter/finish watching my tv show” and I re-iterate on a daily basis that we have to leave when we have to leave or we will be late. And this morning as I was taking the kids to see something at the cinema that they wanted to see you would have thought that would have been enough to encourage them to get their arses into gear? Hell no! Even 15-minute warnings don’t work. “But can’t they just push pause at the cinema”… oh to be a kid that thinks they are the centre of the whole world rather than just my world. Seriously, if I could affect time passing I would have slowed it down a long time ago. The bags under my eyes and wrinkles forming on my face are testament to the fact that time control is well beyond my control.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that my kids believe that I am super-mum, and that I am capable of doing everything and anything for them. I love the fact that they have that innocence about them, and I hate letting them down, but man I am fed up of having to explain to them repeatedly that there are some things that, not matter how hard they wail, scream, kick, cry and moan, I simply cannot do anything about!

Frazzled mummy, out!