anxiety

What a mum really feels when her kids go back to school

This week, up and down the country armies of parents will be cheering as their little bundles of joy will be returning to school! It follows 6(ish!) weeks of wonderful bonding time with them – and of course playing referee between them and their siblings 24/7! No doubt they have eaten them out of house and home, made too much noise, too much mess and not listened to what they were told. They have probably uttered the b-word at least 3 times each day … “Muuuuuum I’m BORED”. So yes, it’s a blessed relief when, for 6 hours of each day, they are someone else’s responsibility! 

I’ll be one of those mums tomorrow. Have you seen that YouTube video of the monkey dancing? If not it’s here: Monkey dance!

That will be me… All the way back to the car! 

But…. Whilst I’m dancing on the outside there will be a little piece of me that is lost on the inside. A tiny, microscopic piece of my heart gets chipped away each time they return to school because it means that they are one step closer to growing up. 

Don’t get me wrong, I know every day is a day older, a day more independent etc, but the first day back is a milestone. Another year further on in their education, another year of expectations of them to do well. Another year of them learning to be independent which, although I know they need to do, makes me worried about the time that they won’t need me so much anymore. 

Another year of worrying that they are happy in school, that they have good friends, that they aren’t being bullied and that they aren’t afraid to be themselves. 

So when you look at me, the mum on the school gates who is outwardly cheering that her little horrors have gone back to school, know that whilst I might seem heartless and like I’m wishing the years away, on the inside I’m a little sad, worried and emotional too. 

Good luck to all the kiddies who are starting new schools and classes this week, and those simply “going back to school”. I know you’ll do great. 

Dee xoxox 

Advertisements

A little education about misunderstood children

Every time I read this I dissolve into tears, but as the parent of a ‘misunderstood child’ I feel that it sums her up perfectly.

It is also a good reminder to me when I am feeling less patient with her to try and see the world through her eyes.

Please take a moment to read the poem below, for my daughter and all the other misunderstood children who face a daily struggle against stress, anxiety and the ignorance and judgement of some.

Thank you xxx

themisunderstoodchild

A mother’s guilt

I haven’t been around today to blog until now, partly because I have been busy and partly because I have had a bit of a shitty, emotional day. The reason for this is basically the title of the blog. Guilt. Why am I feeling guilty you ask. Well because today, for the first time since he started school – and probably nursery, my son (who is 4) didn’t want to go to school. And I mean REALLY didn’t want to go. As in kicking, screaming, clinging on to me as if his life depended on it. I can’t honestly remember the last time I have seen him so upset. The school doesn’t know what has caused it and neither do I. So this weekend will be spent trying to find some time to spend with him 1-1 and trying to get to the cause of what is causing this upset. But walking away this morning, with him screaming and reaching for me, I felt a tsunami of guilt wash over for leaving him.

So it got me thinking about all the many things that as a parent – and specifically a mum – that you can -although not always – feel guilty for.

If they fall off their bike, we should have watched them more closely.

If they choke you feel like you should have cut their food up smaller.

If they struggle to learn something you feel like you should have invested more time in teaching them stuff when they were smaller.

If you have more than one child you can feel guilty that you don’t spend enough time with them individually.

If you only have one child you can feel guilty that they don’t have a sibling to play with.

If they get poorly I’m sure you can find a reason to blame yourself.

And I am sure some working mothers must probably feel the worst guilt of all.

My wise mum once said to me that if you looked up “mother” in the dictionary the definition would be “guilt” and I think she is probably right. But as mothers we need to try – as difficult as it may be – to remember all the positive things we have done for our children.

He/she can ride a bike – you taught them that.

He/she can feed themselves – you taught them that!

Focus on what you have taught them rather than what you haven’t – and that may not always be “educational” stuff. Teaching them manners, kindness and honesty is just as important.

Focus on the positives of their family situation – if you have an only child you can dedicate more time to them. If you have more than one they can lean on and learn from their siblings.

If they get poorly – well it sucks, but you know how best to look after them.

And if you are a working mum then you are teaching your child a work ethic and providing for your family.

Obviously these examples represent a tiny snapshot of what parents/carers can feel guilty for, but the point I want to make is simple. Every time you feel guilty, just take a moment and remember the positive things that you have done for your child/children. No-one can teach them more or better than you.