life

The Bantam’s Bedtime Story



Totally and utterly true! 

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The Bantam’s Bedtime Story



There are people you will encounter in life that need rescuing – whether it be from a situation, another person or even from themselves. Sometimes it will be a situation of their own making, sometimes it won’t.

They are floating in an unsafe sea. You want to help them, to reach out and grab their hand to stop them from being pulled under. Sometimes they only need to reach out for you, and sometimes they just need to kick their legs and paddle their arms and swim to safety. But if they don’t reach for you, don’t accept your help, or refuse to propel themselves forwards then there is nothing you can do for them. You can only float alongside them, keeping them company until they choose to act or until the sea takes them away from you. 

For my valentine…!

Roses are red
Violets are blue
There are so many reasons
Why I love you

You might be old and cynical
And a little bit of a grump
You can get a little bit moany
And often have the hump

But I’m cynical and moody too
So we are the perfect pair
You put up with me when I’m hormonal
And acting a bit of a mare

You work real hard to provide for us
Whilst I swan around like lady muck
Keeping me in the manner to which I am accustomed
Finding you was a stroke of luck

You listen to me more than half the time
Pretty good going for a man
You remember most of the important stuff
You’ve never had a driving ban

You share looking after the kidlets
Let me have lie-ins too
You are treating me to an amazing holiday
Without the kids and without you

A relationship takes effort
In everything you do
I know you’ll never give up on me
And I’ll never give up on you

So even though you make me crackers
And drive me totally insane
If you asked me to marry you again tomorrow
I’d do it all over again

I’ll love you forever
Even when we are old toads
And buy a Hyundai fart box
And cause chaos on the roads

I’ll love you forever
So I wrote this just for you
To remind you although I’m a cold hearted bitch
I love you, really, I do!

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5 things I have been busted at this month….

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Disclaimer: I do NOT like cats (Sorry feline lovers!), but this meme best sums up how I felt each time I was busted doing something embarrassing …. and its only the third of February!

1. BUSTED – singing and dancing along to a song in the car.

Worst still it wasn’t just any song. I was listening to the latest “Now That’s What I Call Disney” and pulled up a set of red lights. You know what its like when a song you really like, or just an annoyingly catchy tune suddenly comes on the stereo. Well of course it was the flavour of the moment – “Let it Go” from Frozen. My kids have watched it a gazillion times and my daughter even had “Elsa” at her recent birthday party. So of course I know all the words and start screeching my little socks off, flinging my arms about snow-queen stylee. Without realising it, a double decker bus had pulled alongside and half a dozen amused faces were staring at me, gawping and giggling. Predictably I burned rubber as soon as the lights when green!

2. BUSTED – doing the moves to “Hot Stuff” in the supermarket.

You know the film – “The Full Monty”, and the famous bit where the men are standing in the queue for their giros when “Hot Chocolate” comes on the radio and they start shaking their stuff like they practised for their routine. Well I was in a local well known supermarket when the same song came on the radio. My feet acted of my own accord I swear they did. I wasn’t even in the queue but down the fridge section. Perhaps people will think I was just trying to keep warm…. but probably not!

3. BUSTED – doing my fitness dvd in just a sports bra and shorts (only a good thing if you are a size 10!)

I take comfort in the fact that our lounge is at the back of the house, which in turn overlooks the side of the hill on which our house is built. There are a couple of houses lower than us, but I have never really seen anyone looking out of the windows much as they don’t have a view of anything other than the back of the houses on our street. This morning I was doing my belly blitz dvd, sweating away and huffing and puffing when I saw someone leaning out the window of the house below ours looking at the snow – and then at me as I did my jumping jacks! I’m not sure who is more scarred for life – me or her!

4. BUSTED – pretending to talk on my mobile

You know what it’s like when you are trying to walk down the high street and you are constantly harassed by people selling stuff, offering to claim back your PPI, asking if you have been in an accident or if you would like to adopt a snow leopard! Sometimes, when you are in a hurry you just want to avoid them all. So I pulled the age old trick of pretending to be on the phone so I could just shake my head at them and carry on walking. It was going epically well until I got to the stand where the guys were trying to flog Paintballing experiences – and I realised I had made a crucial error – I had forgotten to put my phone on silent! And despite having rung only twice all day, it picked then to start trilling out the Mario theme tune (my current ringtone, yes I am so retro!). Of course I had to pull my phone away from my ear whilst the paintballing lad smirked at me and started to try and collar me into “giving up 5 minutes to chat about paintball”. I wanted to shake him, dude do I LOOK like the paintballing sort?! I have a feeling the rhetoric would have been lost on him though!

5. Not farting, but sounding like it – during a smear test!

I would say this has to be the most embarrassing, but the female contingent of my readership have probably been there. That moment when you slide your bare arse off of the bench/bed thingy after a smear test and you move off of the paper but catch the edge of the plastic coated couch. Your skin sort of sticks and as you pull it away it emits a noise that sounds a lot like a burst of a fart. Do you explain it really wasn’t or do you just leave it?! Luckily I have a great relationship with my nurse so we were able to laugh it off, but I have a suspicion I was still beetroot red at the time!

I’m not entirely sure that these experiences bode well for the rest of Feb, or maybe I am getting all the cringe-worthiness out of the way early! We will see!

Blogless Thursdays

Just thought it was worth mentioning that the reason I don’t often blog on a Thursday is because it’s hubby’s day off work! For those who don’t know, hubby is self-employed and works a LOT of hours! However he gets most Thursdays and every other Saturday off work so we often spend time together. Eldest child also has Brownies on a Thursday which makes for a manic day!

We’ve just started sorting the kid for bed, and are gonna catch up with some stuff on the box tonight!